its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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