Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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