One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
