At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
