I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
