awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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