my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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