No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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