guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
