you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just cropdusted the office
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
