His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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