I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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