her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You can't special order awesome
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet