hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.