I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.