Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
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i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I want to fling myself into the sun