im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL