She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
