Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
