Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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