How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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