i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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