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u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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