At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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