She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Everclear isn't food dammit
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
