so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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