well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He uses pillows to masturbate.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
