you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
