i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
