That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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