I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
