; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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