I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
