i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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