Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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