He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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