He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
