I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
FUCK WHALES
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