Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh god it's open bar.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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