just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
