it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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