Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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