he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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