Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
