I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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