I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
