Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
