Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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