We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
