You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
