i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
