Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were trust falling into bushes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
