Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
