Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
