You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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