And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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