apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
