Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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