he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
