I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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