hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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