There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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