i love accidental penises.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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