i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
FUCK WHALES
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