Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
