Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
