I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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