Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we're so committed to being not committed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
